While the recent news that TV talk show host David Letterman had affairs with subordinates was startling, the public reaction was not all that surprising.

Most people empathized with Letterman after his red-faced admission and subsequent on-air apology for his bad behaviour. His ratings went up. Celebrities lauded his courage to come clean. Fans laughed along with him, not at him.

At the same time, very few came out in support of the former employees with whom Letterman was previously entangled.

Love connections at work are generally accepted and expected, perhaps even inevitable given that long hours in confined spaces with co-workers tends to lead to interoffice dating pools. In fact, a 2008 survey reported that 40 per cent of workers say they have dated someone at work.

However, a liaison between a boss and an employee is never a good idea.

First of all, these relationships often create tension at work and spur hard feelings from anyone sensing perceived favouritism. Even if the boss's sweetie isn't receiving preferential treatment, perception often becomes reality -- forcing the couple to go out of their way to prove it's not true.

Secondly, in addition to raising suspicion and lowering morale, such relationships can have a damaging and lasting effect on professional reputations. Rumours about someone's affair with a person they report to -- or reports to them -- tends to follow them around from job to job and can be a serious career setback.

It's also important to note that, when a boss-employee relationship is made public, it is embarrassing and it hurts reputations; but it is usually the subordinate who takes the brunt of the gossip and discipline, is taken less seriously, and is most likely to be reassigned or lose their job.

Close to home, a teacher in Minnedosa was recently the subject of a forced transfer to another town once it was discovered that she was in a romantic relationship with the principal of the school at which she worked. Although the teacher eventually won her grievance and successfully fought the transfer, the subordinate-supervisor situation caused such a commotion in the community that the lasting perception will certainly be much more difficult to overcome.

It may take two to tango, but usually only half of the pair will suffer any real consequences for the relationship. Fair or unfair, a fling with the boss will rarely ends badly for the boss.

Aside from the professional, social and emotional fallout of a boss-employee dalliance, there are also legal issues to consider. Such frowned-upon relationships, even if consensual, make the company vulnerable to future sexual harassment claims even years later -- especially if the love affair goes sour.

A subordinate may say that they were pressured into the relationship through an abuse of power. Even if it is a consensual arrangement, there may eventually be a declaration that the boss retaliated against an employee who wanted to end the affair. Outside of the relationship, there may be a claim by a bitter employee who feels short changed because the boss's lover got better opportunities.

Many companies have set policies against boss-employee romances with good reason. If there is no formal protocol in place, it is still important to maintain the balance between professional and personal relationships.

Find out your workplace policy. The most feasible way for a company to prevent harassment or curb dating within this office is to have a clear-cut policy in place. At the very least, the policy should state that if a consenting romantic or physical relationship develops between a supervisor and a direct or indirect subordinate, the company requires disclosure of this information to ensure that there are no issues of actual or apparent favouritism, conflict of interest, harassment or other negative impact on others in the work environment.

Say something before it gets out of control. Affairs at work can develop from seemingly harmless flirting, joking and friendly banter. But if the boss crosses the line by saying something offensive or inappropriate or tries to turn a professional relationship into a personal one, it's important to defuse the situation as soon as possible. Speak to them in confidence to express your concerns, set terms and repair your working relationship. If this does not work, report the behaviour through the appropriate channel.

Weigh professional risks with personal rewards. Before a budding boss-employee relationship blooms, decide if starting up with this person is worth risking all that you have worked for over the years. No matter how discreet the pair think they are being, a secret romance is usually found out and eventually exposed.

If you want to pursue the relationship, change your working situation. If it really is true love, it will spare everyone in the immediate working environment a great deal of stress and heartache if the couple is upfront with human resources. Volunteer to change the reporting relationship by requesting a transfer to another department or switching jobs. This kind of consideration will likely protect the romance and preserve the reputations at stake.

-- With reporting by Barbara Chabai

John McFerran, PhD, CMC, F. CHRP, is founder and president of People First HR Services Ltd. For more information, visit www.peoplefirsthr.com.

RESEARCH:

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/33146450/ns/business-careers/

http://www.nydailynews.com/lifestyle/2009/10/06/2009-10-06_as_david_letterman_ordeal_shows_bossemployee_romances_in_workplace_can_come_back.html

http://www.workrelationships.com/site/articles/officeromancerisk.htm

Republished from the Winnipeg Free Press print edition October 24, 2009 G2